The Pain....

So Monday the 21st when I walked into a dentists office, I knew the news would be bad but I needed the pano to prove my thoughts. I got it and this journey started again. I am older now, not 17. I am more worried now, because of the info that is out there now that wasn't out there then. I had a simpler surgery the last time. This time its much more extensive.

I was prescribed pain meds and they make me soo dizzy. Its funny I still hurt but I am soo dizzy. The effect my brain and eyes but not my pain. The pain is beginning to get so out of control that it is not only the left side of the jaw is hurting where the Amelo is but the right is hurting now too. If I hold my mouth open about two inches it stops hurting. I am worried that its going to be most of my jaw they remove if not all of it. From the scans I have seens it will be 2/3rds of my jaw that will be gone. I know when this is over I will probably not have any teeth left on the bottom.

It has reccured, this stupid amelo is back. I read and see people with Amelo getting implant teeth and its lovely I am sure, but I will never get them for two reasons: one they are entirely to expensive and I am uninsured(but most insurance companys won't pay for them anyway because you can get dentures implants are what they call 'vanity") and two because this has came back once for me, who says I won't go through this again in ten years. I have had a RECCURANCE, a relapse. I hope by not doing curettage this time and acutally resecting the jaw it will never return but we don't know, no one knows until it happens. MINE took almost TEN years to return.....TEN!!!

It scares me. I am scared that because I am completely uninsured I am scared that I will end up looking like a monster for the rest of my life. I know its a stupid worry at a time like this for most but I have been here before and done it before. I got rid of it and it came back. I am worried about how I may look because I am 26 years old, I am single and have been for three years and really its been longer because I only had a part-time guy then. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life!! I always thought I would be someones wife and someones mommy by this point in my life and all I have are two cats. This is so not a pity party its just my inner thoughts!!